Spice

At someone's suggestion, I tried spice.  At the time I had been coughing up black phlegm every time I tried to smoke weed.  This was before Obamacare, or The Affordable Care Act, made it possible for me to go to a doctor.  Spice was 'legal weed' that was cheaper and didn't make me cough at all.  That was the doorway to Hell.  The high from some spice brands was so strong, I would literally lose touch with reality and it was horrible.  But as soon as I would come down from spice I craved more.  I couldn't sleep throughout the night without waking to smoke a bowl of spice.  Even though I hated the high, I would always come back for more.  Even after I had pawned and lost an engagement ring I saved for my daughter from her father. Along with my laptop, jewelry, car repossessed, evicted from apartment.  I failed to come in to work for the last time in my boss' eyes.  When she told me to come in, I was already high and could not have gone in.  I lost my job, too.

         

 I tried to go to rehab. Since I had Kaiser insurance, I was a cash cow for this little house in St. Helens.  While they printed a nice schedule, they rarely followed it.  Meeting with counselors were 30 minutes a week.  That's it.  To make it even better, I left after getting into a screaming match with the executive director.  He told me that I had a strange way of communicating with people and that my issues have nothing to do with addiction.  I lost it on him, telling him he has no idea what it's like to be in my shoes. I stormed out of the facility with my suitcase in tow behind.  

There I was, walking down the street, without a cell phone or any money to call anyone.  I walked far enough that I found a fire station that thankfully let me call my sweet grandparents, who came and got me.  

I made it 28 days sober before my boyfriend found a full bag of spice in the closet.  We were just going to smoke the bag, but it didn't stop.  Not until I lost everything.  I was planning on moving into a tent in the woods but my mom objected.  She moved me to her property, where I lived in a tool shed.  An insulated and carpeted and very cool tool shed.  Moving away from the environment allowed me to get over my addiction.  My addiction was bad enough that we didn't eat for days, not because we weren't hungry, but because we spent every last penny on spice.